Im at strip club and am horny
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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