Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
