i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
