I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
