out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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