On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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