he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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