she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
