I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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