I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
