I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
