Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
