i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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