Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
