Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
