Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
