he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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