I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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