I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
