Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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