The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
