I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize