She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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