he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
