I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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