Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
