i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
