no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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