Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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