you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
