Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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