His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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