people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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