Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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