look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
