i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
