david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
