Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
