yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
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I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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