i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
