barbara walters just said penis...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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