Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
