I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
