Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
