My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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