I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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