from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
