i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize