Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
