Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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