omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
