The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
