I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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