WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
