Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
soo... how was my night?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
