I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
